Today I will be returning to Sydney from my vacation back at home. It is a terrible day as I have to leave my parents behind for a place full of stress and studies.
Yesterday morning, I was feeling so upset that I texted my best friend and told her how I felt. As she is also an international student, she knew exactly how I felt and reminded me something which I once told her after watching the animation movie “Inside out” that:
We need sadness in life just as we need joy.
It clicked in my mind that how else would I feel the importance of my parents, the values they hold and the depth of love I have for them. When I used to live with them before, I was so busy with my own problems and drama, that I hardly acknowledged their presence. Dad used to be responsible for the bills, the taxes and all the expenses and mom brought food just in time before I could even feel hungry.
Now, that I prepare myself to leave the “Two and a half months of heaven” behind for my journey back to Sydney, with each passing second, I know what I am leaving behind and whom I am leaving behind. Now that I have to worry about my own bills, expenses, rents and food, as well as studies and work, I understand crystal clear what my parents did for me.
Yes, sadness is necessary, without it I would be one of those kids who does not give a shit about their parents and who sees their life to be separate from their parents. I might be an adult and might one day start a family of my own but the blood that is running inside me, my body and my genes, therefore my very own existence are my parents. I am a part of them and my own children will be a part of me. Overall, we are all part of each other.
With sadness in my heart, I continue to pack and prepare because now due to the sadness, I have a goal to achieve, I have to finish what my parents have started by sending me to get higher education. Their lifelong savings invested into a better future, but not for me alone.
As a special person reminds me
“We are going abroad to do something better and to achieve something big to give back to our parents”
Therefore, a note to self:
Image taken from this beautiful blog Faust Island.